Kuki urukundo rwa mbere rutibagirana? Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ibanga ryarwo

 

Hari abantu benshi bavuga ko igihe gihita kigatuma umuntu yibagirwa byinshi byamubayeho. Ariko ku bijyanye n’urukundo rwa mbere, si ko bigenda kuri bose. Hari abamara imyaka myinshi batandukanye n’uwo bakundanye bwa mbere, ariko bakomeza kwibuka ibihe bagiranye nk’aho byabaye ejo.

Ubushakashatsi bw’umushakashatsi Catherine Lovey bugaragaza ko urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kugira umwanya wihariye mu bitekerezo no mu marangamutima y’umuntu. Ibi bituma n’abantu bageze mu zabukuru bashobora gukomeza kwibuka mu buryo burambuye ibihe by’urukundo bagiranye bakiri bato.

Urukundo rwa mbere rushobora gusiga ikimenyetso gikomeye

Catherine Lovey yakoze ubushakashatsi ku buryo abantu bibuka ibintu byababayeho mu bihe bitandukanye by’ubuzima bwabo, asanga hari ibyabaye bishobora kuguma mu bwenge bw’umuntu igihe kirekire.

Mu byo yibanzeho harimo urukundo rwa mbere, aho yasanze ko kuri benshi, ibihe by’urukundo rwo mu ntangiriro y’ubuzima bishobora kugira umwanya wihariye mu kwibuka.

Lovey avuga ko yaganiriye n’abantu bari mu kigero cy’imyaka 70 na 80, maze asanga bamwe muri bo bagifite mu bwenge bwabo bimwe mu byibutso bifatika kandi bitazibagirana by’urukundo rwabo rwa mbere.

Ibi bigaragaza ko urukundo rwa mbere atari ibintu umuntu ahita yibagirwa uko imyaka igenda ishira. Ahubwo, rushobora kuba igice cy’amateka y’ubuzima bw’umuntu gikomeza kubaho mu bitekerezo no mu marangamutima ye.

Ku bantu bamwe, kwibuka urukundo rwa mbere bishobora kujyana n’ibyishimo, akanyamuneza, agahinda cyangwa kwibaza uko ubuzima bwari kuba bumeze iyo ibintu byari kugenda ukundi.

Kwibuka urukundo rwa kera si ukuvuga ko wicuza umubano urimo

Nubwo hari abatekereza ko umuntu wibuka cyane uwo bakundanye kera ashobora kuba atishimiye umubano arimo, si ko buri gihe bigenda.

Kwibuka ibihe byiza umuntu yanyuzemo mu rukundo bishobora rimwe na rimwe kugira uruhare mu gushimangira umubano afite muri iki gihe.

Adam Fetterman, umwarimu muri Kaminuza ya Houston muri Texas, yiga ku kintu kizwi nka “romantic nostalgia”, cyangwa amarangamutima umuntu agira iyo yibutse ibihe byiza by’urukundo rwo mu gihe cyashize bifitanye isano n’uwo bakundana.

Iyi myumvire ishingiye ku kuba umuntu ashobora gusubira mu bitekerezo bye, akibuka ibihe byamushimishije, amagambo meza yabwiwe, ahantu yagiye n’uwo yakundaga cyangwa ibintu bidasanzwe bakoze bari kumwe.

Fetterman asobanura ko kwibuka nkana ibintu by’ingenzi byabaye mu rukundo bishobora gufasha umuntu kongera kugira bimwe mu byiyumvo byiza yari afite muri icyo gihe.

Urugero, umuntu ashobora kongera kureba filime yarebye bwa mbere n’uwo yakundaga, gusubira ahantu bahuriye bwa mbere cyangwa kwibuka urugendo rwihariye bakoze bari kumwe.

Ibi bishobora gufasha abari mu mubano ubu kongera kwibuka impamvu bakundanye no gusubiza ku murongo ibyiyumvo byiza byari hagati yabo.

Kwibuka ibihe byiza bishobora kongera ubusabane

Mu mubano umaze igihe, abantu bashobora kugera aho ubuzima bwa buri munsi butangira gufata umwanya munini kurusha ibihe by’urukundo.

Akazi, inshingano zo mu rugo, kurera abana n’ibindi bibazo by’ubuzima bishobora gutuma abashakanye batongera guha umwanya uhagije ibyatumye bakundana.Aha ni ho kwibuka ibihe byiza byahise bishobora kugira akamaro.

Kuganira ku munsi mwahuriyeho, uko umwe yasabye undi urukundo, urugendo rwa mbere mwakoze cyangwa ikintu mwakundaga gukora muri kumwe bishobora gutuma abashakanye bongera kwegerana.

Si ngombwa ko umuntu yifuza gusubira mu gihe cyashize. Ahubwo ashobora gukoresha ibyo yibuka nk’inzira yo kongera kubaka ibyiyumvo byiza mu mubano arimo ubu.

Inkuru ya Kate na Gunther igaragaza imbaraga z’urukundo rwa mbere

Nyuma y’imyaka igera kuri 30, Kate yongeye guhura n’amabaruwa Gunther yari yaramwandikiye mu gihe bari bakundana.Ayo mabaruwa yongeye kumusubiza mu bihe by’urukundo bari baranyuzemo.

Kwibuka ibyo bihe byamukoze ku mutima ku buryo atashoboraga guhagarika amarira.

Kate yavuze ko yakomeje gutekereza ku buryo yari yarashenguye umutima w’umugabo mwiza atabashije kumusobanurira neza impamvu yafashe icyemezo cyo gutandukana na we.

Aho kureka ibyo bitekerezo bikamurenga, Kate yafashe icyemezo cyo gushaka uko yabona Gunther.

Yashoboye kubona aderesi y’umuryango we maze aramwandikira, nubwo atari azi niba azamusubiza.

Telefoni yaturutse mu Budage yahinduye byose

Kate ntiyari yiteze ko Gunther azamusubiza.

Ariko nyuma y’igihe, telefoni yarasonnye.

Kate yavuze ko telefoni yahamagaye saa 12:36 za nijoro ku itariki ya 22 Ugushyingo, maze umutima we ugatera cyane ubwo yabonaga ko ari telefoni iturutse mu Budage.

Gunther yari yamusubije.

Abo bombi batangiye kuganira, maze ikiganiro cyabo kimara amasaha menshi. Ibyo biganiro byongeye kubahuza nyuma y’imyaka myinshi bari bamaze batandukanye.

Nyuma y’ibyumweru bike, Gunther yafashe urugendo yerekeza i Manchester kureba Kate.

Icyo gihe, nyuma y’imyaka 30 batabonana, bongeye guhura imbonankubone.

Kate yavuze ko ubwo yabonaga Gunther nanone, yumvise nk’aho imyaka yose bari bamaze batandukanye itigeze ibaho.

Yagize ati: “Ubwo namubonaga nanone, byari nk’aho tutigeze dutandukana.”

Urukundo rwongeye kubasubiza aho rwari rwaratangiriye

Inkuru yabo ntiyarangiriye ku kongera guhura gusa.

Gunther yaje gusaba Kate ko bashyingiranwa, ndetse amwambika impeta ku rutoki ku musozi bari barazamutse mu myaka 30 yari ishize, ubwo bari bakundanye bwa mbere.

Ni nk’aho ubuzima bwari bubahaye andi mahirwe yo gukomeza inkuru y’urukundo yari yarahagaze imyaka myinshi mbere.Kate yavuze ko amahirwe nk’ayo ataboneka kenshi mu buzima.

Yagize ati: “Ntabwo ukunze kubona andi mahirwe, ariko ubu, buri munsi ndamubona, ntabwo nicuza.”Gunther na we yagaragaje ko atifuza kongera gutakaza Kate.

Ati: “Sinzongera kumutakaza ukundi.”

Ese urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kutibagirana?

Inkuru ya Kate na Gunther hamwe n’ibitekerezo by’abashakashatsi bituma hibazwa impamvu urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kuguma mu bwenge bw’umuntu igihe kirekire.

Urukundo rwa mbere akenshi ruhura n’ibintu byinshi umuntu aba ahura na byo bwa mbere: gukundwa, gukunda undi muntu, gutegereza ubutumwa, kugira isoni zo kuvuga amarangamutima no kugira ibyishimo bidasanzwe byo kumenya ko hari umuntu ugutekerezaho.

Ibyo byose bishobora gutuma ibyo bihe bigira umwanya wihariye mu mateka y’ubuzima bw’umuntu.

Iyo imyaka ishize, umuntu ashobora kwibagirwa ibintu byinshi byabayeho, ariko hari amarangamutima ashobora gukomeza kuba hafi y’umutima.

Ni yo mpamvu umuntu ugeze mu myaka 70 cyangwa 80 ashobora gukomeza kwibuka umuntu yakundanye na we akiri muto, ndetse akibuka n’utuntu duto twaranze uwo mubano.

Kwibuka urukundo rwa kera bishobora kuba isomo ku rukundo rw’ubu

Nubwo atari buri wese ushobora kongera guhura n’urukundo rwa mbere cyangwa ngo arusubizemo ubuzima, kwibuka ibihe byiza bishobora kugira icyo byigisha umuntu ku mubano afite ubu.

Umuntu ashobora kwibaza ati: Ni iki cyatumaga nishimira kuba muri uwo mubano? Ni ibihe bintu byatumaga numva nkundwa? Ni iki nakoraga cyatumaga uwo nakundaga yumva yishimye?

Ibyo bibazo bishobora gufasha umuntu gusubira ku bintu by’ingenzi bigize umubano mwiza.

Abashakanye bashobora kandi gufata umwanya wo kongera gukora ibintu byabashimishaga mu ntangiriro z’umubano wabo.

Kureba filime bakundaga, gusubira ahantu bafiteho amateka, kureba amafoto ya kera cyangwa kuganira ku munsi bahuriyeho bishobora kuba uburyo bwo kongera kubyutsa ibyiyumvo byiza.

Urukundo rwa mbere si ngombwa ko ruba urwa nyuma

Inkuru ya Kate na Gunther kandi yerekana ko kuba urukundo rwa mbere rwararangiriye mu gutandukana bitavuze ko ari bwo buryo bwonyine rwari kurangiramo.

Hari igihe ubuzima bushobora gutandukanya abantu, buri wese agakomeza inzira ye, ariko ibyo banyuzemo bigakomeza kuba igice cy’amateka yabo.

Hari n’igihe abantu bashobora kongera guhura nyuma y’imyaka myinshi, ariko bakabona ko amarangamutima bari bafite atigeze ashira burundu.

Icy’ingenzi ni uko kwibuka urukundo rwa kera bitagomba guhita bisobanura ko umuntu adakunda uwo bari kumwe ubu. Rimwe na rimwe, ni ukwibuka igice cy’ubuzima cyagize uruhare mu kumugira uwo ari we uyu munsi.

Urukundo rwa mbere rushobora kurangira, abantu bagatandukana, imyaka igashira, ariko ibihe byiza byaranzwe n’urwo rukundo bishobora gukomeza kuba mu bwenge bw’umuntu.

Kuri Kate na Gunther, ibyo byibutso byaje kubaha andi mahirwe yo kongera guhura no gukomeza inkuru yabo.

Kuri benshi, bishobora kuba isomo ry’uko urukundo n’ibyiyumvo byiza umuntu yagize mu buzima bishobora kugira ubushobozi bwo gukomeza kubaho mu mutima, nubwo imyaka yaba myinshi cyane.