Ikibazo Kimwe Abashakanye Bakwiriye Kwibaza

Abashakanye benshi bagera igihe bakumva hari ibitagenda neza mu mubano wabo ariko bakabura uburyo bwo kubisobanura cyangwa aho bahera bashaka ibisubizo. Hari abumva urukundo rwagabanutse, abandi bakumva amakimbirane yiyongereye, mu gihe hari n’abibaza niba umubano wabo ukiri ku murongo mwiza.

Nk’uko umuhanga mu bijyanye n’imibanire y’abashakanye Assael Romanelli abigaragaza, hari ikibazo kimwe cyoroshye ariko gikomeye gishobora gufasha abashakanye kwisuzuma no kureba aho umubano wabo ugeze. Icyo kibazo ni iki:

“Ese wakwifuza ko abana bawe bazagira umubano nk’uwo mufitanye ubu?”

Nubwo iki kibazo gisa n’icyoroshye, gishobora gutuma umuntu yitekerezaho cyane ndetse kikamufasha kubona ukuri ku mibanire ye.

Abana bigira ku byo babona kurusha ibyo babwirwa

Ababyeyi benshi bahora bigisha abana babo indangagaciro nziza, kubahana no gukunda abandi. Nyamara, abahanga mu mitekerereze ya muntu bavuga ko abana bigira cyane ku byo babona bikorwa buri munsi kurusha ibyo babwirwa.

Iyo umwana akura areba uko ababyeyi be baganira, uko bakemura amakimbirane, uko bagaragazanya urukundo cyangwa uko birengagizanya, ibyo byose bimuhindukiramo amasomo y’ubuzima. Ni byo bimutegurira uko azabana n’abandi mu gihe kizaza.

Abana ntibareba gusa abantu babiri babana mu nzu imwe; baba bari kwiga uburyo urukundo rukora, uburyo abantu bakemura ibibazo n’uburyo bubaka cyangwa basenya umubano.

Umubano w’ababyeyi uba ishuri rya mbere ry’urukundo

Iyo umwana abonye ababyeyi be bubahana, bumvikana kandi bagafatanya gukemura ibibazo, akura yumva ko ari ko umubano mwiza uba ugomba kumera.

Ku rundi ruhande, iyo ahora abona amakimbirane adashira, kubwirana nabi cyangwa kutita ku byiyumvo bya mugenzi we, ashobora gukura afata ibyo nk’ibisanzwe.

Abashakashatsi bavuga ko abantu benshi bakuze bakunda kwisanga basubiramo uburyo babonye ababyeyi babo babanamo. Hari n’abagerageza kubyirinda ariko nyuma bakisanga baguye mu mitego nk’iyo babonye bakiri bato.

Niba igisubizo ari “Yego”

Hari abashakanye bashobora kwibaza icyo kibazo bakabona igisubizo cyoroshye: “Yego, nakwifuza ko abana banjye bazagira umubano umeze nk’uwanjye.”

Ibyo ni ikimenyetso cyiza. Bisobanura ko bishimira uburyo babanye, uko bakemura ibibazo ndetse n’uko bubahana.

Ku bantu nk’aba, inshingano yabo ni ugukomeza kuba urugero rwiza. Abana bagomba kubona ko urukundo rutari amagambo gusa, ahubwo rugaragarira mu bikorwa bya buri munsi birimo kwita kuri mugenzi wawe, kumwubaha no kumuba hafi mu bihe byiza n’ibibi.

Niba igisubizo ari “Oya”

Ku bandi, igisubizo gishobora kuba “Oya.”

Icyo gihe ni ikimenyetso gikomeye cy’uko hari ibintu bikeneye guhinduka. Niba umuntu atakwifuza ko umwana we azabaho mu mubano nk’uwo arimo ubu, bishobora gusobanura ko hari ikibazo gikomeye kidakwiye kwirengagizwa.

Abahanga bagaragaza ko gutegereza igihe kirekire mbere yo gukemura ibibazo by’umubano akenshi bituma birushaho gukomera. Ahubwo impinduka zikwiye gutangira hakiri kare.

Gukora ku mubano ntibifasha gusa abashakanye ubwabo, ahubwo binaha abana urugero rwiza rw’uko ibibazo bishobora gukemurwa kandi ko umubano ushobora kuvugururwa.

Niba igisubizo ari “Sinzi neza”

Abantu benshi baba hagati y’ibi byiciro byombi. Hari ibyo bishimira mu mubano wabo ariko hakaba n’ibindi bibahangayikishije.

Muri icyo gihe, abashakanye bashobora kwicarana bakaganira ku bibazo bikurikira:

• Ni ibihe bice by’umubano wacu twifuza ko abana bacu bazigana?
• Ni ibihe bice tutifuza ko bazigana?
• Ni iki dushobora gukora kugira ngo tunoze ibyo bitagenda neza?

Ibi bishobora kubafasha kubona aho bakwiye gushyira imbaraga no gutangira gukora impinduka zifatika.

Umurage uruta amafaranga

Abantu benshi baharanira gusigira abana babo umutungo cyangwa amafaranga. Ariko Assael Romanelli agaragaza ko hari undi murage ushobora kuba uw’agaciro kurushaho: uburyo abana babonye ababyeyi babo babana.

Iyo abana bakuriye mu rugo rufite urukundo, icyubahiro n’ubwumvikane, baba bafite amahirwe menshi yo kubaka imibanire myiza mu buzima bwabo bw’ahazaza.

Ni yo mpamvu buri mubyeyi akwiriye kwibaza kenshi niba umubano arimo ari wo yifuza ko abana be bazaragwa.

Umubano w’abashakanye ntabwo ugira ingaruka gusa ku bantu babiri bawugiramo uruhare, ahubwo ugira uruhare rukomeye mu kubaka ejo hazaza h’abana babo. Buri jambo, buri myitwarire n’uburyo bakemura amakimbirane byose bigira uruhare mu kubaka imyumvire y’abana ku rukundo n’umuryango.

Ni yo mpamvu ikibazo kigira kiti: “Ese wakwifuza ko abana bawe bazagira umubano nk’uwo mufitanye?” gikwiye kuba igipimo buri muryango ukoresha mu kwisuzuma.

Niba igisubizo kitagushimishije, ntibivuze ko byose byarangiye. Ahubwo bishobora kuba intangiriro y’urugendo rushya rwo kubaka umubano mwiza, uzaba impano ikomeye kandi irambye ushobora gusigira abana bawe.